My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
