Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
