We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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