where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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