I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
