so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
