Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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