Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?