Me. At least after what I've been through.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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