I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
