yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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