"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
