Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
