What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
