meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
