I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
