i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
