Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
