my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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