do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
