Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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