I CAN MOONWALK!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
