And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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