why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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