but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize