As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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