After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
