my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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