im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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