ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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