I feel like I'm in dance class right now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
