if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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