I need help removing her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
