even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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