for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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