already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
