This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you win again, gameday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
