as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
