I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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