You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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