Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
