i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My vagina is officially offended.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
