thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
