I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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