i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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