lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
