I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
