Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so that wasnt chicken after all
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
