So gin and wine won't be happening again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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