Your face is a jimmy john
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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