If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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