I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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