I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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