see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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