There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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