They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
