Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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