I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
