just come out here and I will go home with you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
