Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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