i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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