Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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