Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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