Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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