I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
