I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we made out on top of his cat.
two words: eviction party
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
