is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ttyl tear gas
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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