he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
