Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
