Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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