Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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