this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
