I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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