had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
