Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
