I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
