life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
