God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
