Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
