end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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