Whod you bang
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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