if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
