Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
