Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
