Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
